7 stars

Matrix: Reloaded

dir: The Wachowski Brothers
[img_assist|nid=1019|title=When millions of Hugo Weavings are barely enough|desc=|link=none|align=right|width=450|height=670]
It's all about the sunglasses...
Even after watching the film twice, I am left perplexed and utterly confused. Not at anything actually in the film. No, what has managed to confuse me tremendously (to be honest, it's not hard to do that, microwave ovens still confound me) is the sheer abundance of people who are vehemently hating this film. In public and in private, in the sanctity of their own bedrooms and on street corners.

See, I've got not the slightest issue with anyone not liking the film and saying that it's a monumental bore. I've seen identical twins hold two diametrically opposed views on the same piece of music, and I often diverge strenuously in opinion with my closest friends regarding certain films. So I don't really get on a high horse about these kinds of things.

What I can understand is the people who hated the first film hating this one too. What I don't get is those who liked the first one hating Reloaded. I flat out don't get it. After all, it's even more like the first one than the first one is!




I'll do anything for the Empire

dir: Zhang Yimou


Yes, yes, a beautiful film. You know that, I know that, but does that mean it’s a decent film as well? Surely a film needs more than stunning visuals to make it worthwhile? I mean there are a tonne of pornos that have stunning visuals and amazing views of that which one rarely sees in their own lifetime, but that doesn’t make them Oscar quality films to show the whole family over Christmas dinner, does it?

Not that there’s anything wrong with that, but really, who wants to be watching midget gangbangs when they’re trying to choke down their mother’s dry turkey? That’s not an elaborate euphemism either, I mean the kind of food you get on that holiest of days. I seem to be digressing from the point in record time, which amazes even me, so I’ll get back to talking about the film, my brethren and sistren.

Hero is a stunning (looking) film that has nothing to do with either Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon or Rashomon, yet every review (including this one obviously, pedants) seems contractually obliged to mention both of them in close proximity. It’s like the call / response stuff performers used to do with hip hop / soul r & b acts where someone used to plaintively command the people in the audience to throw their hands up in the air. You always knew that the next recommendation would doubtless be that they wave them around like they just don’t care. You just knew it, didn’t you, deep in your dark heart of hearts, where nameless horrors slither and hide from daylight and regular scrutiny?