Abigail

Children are our future. Unless we stop them now.
dirs: Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillet
2024
Abigail is a ‘perfect’ action-y horror-ish flick to watch on a Saturday night after the better part of a six-pack has been consumed. For some people a six-pack will have them giggling like idiots, and for others a six-pack consumed means you’re barely getting started.
I’m not here to argue the merits of alcoholism and such, but I will make the (weak) case for Abigail being a reasonably well done movie of whatever genre it is.
I think it’s impossible to spoil a movie whose poster and ads spoil everything to do with the so-called movie. I’ve seen ads on tv, and if audiences didn’t figure out from that what was going on, they’re probably still going to be confused after they watch the flick.
“wait, so, she’s a mermaid?” they’ll probably ask the person next to them, tapping them on the shoulder, who will recoil and growl “don’t touch me, nothing gives you that right!”
A bunch of professional crims are enlisted for a job. They don’t know each other, but they are competent and do what needs to be done, not knowing until the last moments that they’ve been enlisted to kidnap a young girl who dresses as a ballerina.
She is the Abigail of the title (Alisha Weir). One of the crims, later to be dubbed Joey (Melissa Barrera) enquires as to her wellbeing, and promises her, despite all appearances to the contrary, that she won’t let anything bad happen to Abigail, well, anything worse than being kidnapped and chained up.
Abigail apologises to Joey for everything that’s about to happen.
Hmm. Does she know something that we don’t?
Well, the whole movie is named after her, so she probably is in the know.
The guy that hired them, Lambert (Giancarlo Esposito, wasted in a thankless role), tells them not to tell each other any personal details, so he gives all six of the crims names from the Rat Pack, which turns out to be so pointless. I mean, wonderful history lesson for the kids, but…
- Read more about Abigail
- 512 reads