A Real Pain

Champagne for my real friends. Real pain for my sham friends!
dir: Jesse Eisenberg
2024
Oh the irony… I’m sure the irony isn’t lost on Jesse Eisenberg, that the title can have multiple meanings, and in fact clearly signposts, so people can’t blame him, how painful parts of this movie are.
And it’s not because it’s about a bunch of people who go on a tour through Poland that looks at the horrors perpetrated by the Nazis at the Majdanek concentration camp in Lublin.
And they even do it voluntarily.
No, it’s about how two characters played by two jittery lunatics can be agitating and aggressively irritating just in very different ways. It’s a real showcase for the talents of two of the jitteriest jerks in this business we call show.
I mean Eisenberg has been playing minute variations on that theme for his whole career, but now Kieran Culkin, fairly famous for playing an absolute jerk failson in Succession as one of Logan Roy’s pathetic offspring, now gets to play a different type of jerk whose main difference is he has no money.
But he does run off at the mouth, with no filter or seeming knowledge of what he’s going to say next, constantly and continuously.
David (Eisenberg) and Benji (Culkin) depart from New York flying to Poland in order to go on a tour in honour of their grandma who survived the Holocaust. Benji is already at the airport. David is on his way to the airport, and feels compelled to leave Benji between 10 and 20 voicemail messages, despite the fact that it is two hours before their flight leaves, and we know that Benji is already there, and not listening to any of them.
To say that I was already so agitated by David’s agitation would be a classic example of my charming capacity for understatement. I was so anxious already within the first few minutes that I just wanted to start walking away from the screen, perhaps walking into the sea, never to return.
But, come on, I’m made of sterner stuff than that, surely. A lot of people put a lot of work in to make this flick, and regardless of my feelings, it deserves my attention and my time.
In theory.
So though my anxiety was at an all time high, or at least as high as the last time I watched something either with Eisenberg / Zuckerberg in it, or the last time I watched Succession, which usually used to leave me a nervous wreck anyway, I strapped myself in anyway to watch this flick about two cousins who used to be close but these days not so much.
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