The Testament of Ann Lee

I testify that her testament of "don't have sex!" is not
an attractive ideology, thanks
dir: Mona Fastvold
2025
What a whacky film. I’m sure you could make a thousand films about the thousands of charlatans and lunatics the States has either bred or attracted over the centuries, but this here one is about someone almost no-one would know about, and, after watching it, you could rightly wonder why you should care.
Maybe because I’m not Christian, someone in the past declaring themselves to be the Christ Reborn, the Second Coming, doesn’t really strike me as that unusual, since there have been lots of people who lied about it and another vast sub-section of humanity deluded or deranged enough to believe it to be true, and all the beatings and medication could never change their minds until the end. There was even a guy in China in the 1800s who led a rebellion resulting in millions of deaths telling everyone he was Jesus’s brother, which is only a tiny bit less implausible than saying you’re the Big Kahuna yourself.
So, even if the delusion isn’t that rare, instances where other people believe it as well also aren’t that rare either, because people, in case you haven’t noticed, are stupid. Individually, like Tommy Lee Jones’ character says in Men in Black, a person might be smart, but collectively, people are dumb, panicky animals prone to following any leader calling themselves a guru, a Jesus or a Führer.
So desperate are we to believe in something that we’ll believe anything. There are worse things to believe in than Shakerism, though, I would hazard a guess. They were pacifists, at least, though that certainly didn’t help when people came after them.
With its roots in Quakerism, this mob starting off in Manchester in the 1700s believed that this particular woman was the Second Coming of the Christ, and, honestly, they could have done worse. Amanda Seyfried is no-one’s favourite actor, like, I don’t imagine anyone has pictures of her on their folder / trapper keeper for school or on their teen wonderwall at home, but she tries her darnedest to win a golden statue for her performance in this flick. Biopic? Tick. Persecuted religious figure? Tick. Nudity? Unfortunately tick. Sexual, um, unpleasantness? Tick.
Songs? Lots of them. So many of them, and none of them are certified bangers. This flick takes what is for me an unusual route and treats the beliefs of Ann Lee and her followers with absolute seriousness, as if to say “we have no idea, maybe she was the real deal?”
I mean, I don’t know for a fact that she wasn’t the Second Coming of Christ. The ways and motivations of gods and demi-gods are not for me to know or scrutinise. To quote the legendary song by Andy Prieboy called Tomorrow Wendy:
“I told the priest, don’t count on any second coming
God got his ass kicked the first time he came down here slumming
He had the balls to come, the gall to die, and then forgive us
No I don’t wonder why, I wonder what he thought it’d get us”
So He came down again, in the form of a woman this time, from Manchester. Manchester! And was tormented pretty much, based on this film, all of her miserable life, and died at the ripe old age of 48.
And yet… and yet… She still found some joy along the way.








