Predators
Scary scary
dir: Nimrod Antal
2010
You may ask yourself whether the world needs more Predator movies. It’s a legitimate question. Reasonable and fair.
That’s like asking if trees needs more sunshine, or if a man needs more blowjobs.
The world didn’t necessarily become a better place upon the release of the first flick way back in 1987, but it certainly improved the lives of millions of teenage boys who now had something to tape off television onto VHS in order to watch endlessly. Well, something that wasn’t taped because of the prospect of boobs, BOOBS…
It was the truest, bluest action flick of its time, and it unashamedly traded on the steroidic charms of Arnold as well as a cast of lunkheads like Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura and Carl Weathers, all of whom peaked with this flick where their only purpose is to kill time before they’re killed, so that Arnie could take care of business at the end, unencumbered by girly men or girly girls.
I’ve watched every inch of that flick so many times that watching it again is almost superfluous: If I was deranged enough, or poor enough, I could practically sit in a darkened room, close my eyes and play through the flick in my head, frame by frame, for its entire duration.
None of this is meant to assert that it’s actually a truly great and awesome film. Sure I’ve seen it more than I’ve seen Solaris, or 2001, or Weekend at Bernie’s, but it certainly is of its time. Arnie couldn’t have been more wooden or stilted in his delivery of dialogue if they’d constructed him from the remnants of sweaty and broken gym equipment, and danced him across the stage like a be-stringed marionette. Almost each and every piece of dialogue that drops out of his mouth more than two words in length sounds like speaking in any language, English or German for that matter, is unnatural and painful to him.
But no-one cares, because an invisible alien is killing his compatriots left right and centre, until Arnie strips down, muds up, and takes the ugly motherfucker out old-school.
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