The Teachers' Lounge
I will either educate your children, or eat them
(Das Lehrerzimmer)
dir: Ilker Ҫatak
2023
Why the fuck would anyone be a teacher, honestly? Not only in this day and age, but at any time in human history?
I cannot imagine a more thankless task. Dealing with these dead-eyed little shits, or, even worse, their controlling and awful parents. They’re either checked out or the worst of helicopter parents, bullying teachers into getting their entitled way for their hideous spawn.
I already thought teaching would be the worst possible profession for anyone, let alone myself, before watching this flick, but now, ye gods. All prejudices confirmed.
It’s just a German flick about a teacher, at a school! This is minor, low-key, low stakes stuff! Yet why was watching this film far more stressful than all the thrillers, all the car chases and all the altercations with police that you can ever possibly imagine. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack for at least 80 per cent of the film’s running time.
This is Germany’s entry in the Best International Feature Film category at the upcoming awards, and it’s a good thing it was nominated, because otherwise I probably wouldn’t have heard about it. It hasn’t had anywhere near the buzz that Anatomy of a Fall has had, or Zone of Interest, but it’s no less worthy because of that.
I would dare the most extreme of cinephiles to get through this in one sitting without needing to take a handful of valium or at least breathe into a paper bag repeatedly.